Without doubt, the worst enemy you will face in your entire life lies within you. Fear, the most powerful and destructive of our emotions, will do its level best to spoil each and every opportunity that comes your way.

Fear does this to every human being. It is a part of human nature. If you're like most people, you will be influenced by fear and you will be unaware of the consequences. Because unlike your monthly paycheck, the wages of fear are paid much, much later.

Imagine you are in the winter of your life. Having worked hard in a steady job for most of your life, you are now retired and drawing your pension. You have plenty of time each and every day to look back on your life. A life lived without risk, without taking advantage of opportunity, without doing the wonderful things you always wanted to do.

Each day you feel more and more frustrated. You remember the times when exciting opportunities knocked on your door and your fear slammed it shut every time. Each day brings regrets. Each day brings bitterness. Each day brings torment. You feel like you've wasted your life and you know fear is to blame.

Two small but powerful words dog you: If only

Sure, life isn't a struggle but you just about scrape by. Every day brings the same dull routine. Every day a mundane plod towards the inevitable.

As you look back on your life, you discover no real memories to ease the monotony and bring you a comforting glow. All you have is a life of working to pay off debts, living life like everybody else and getting what everybody else gets. Your unique dreams, ambitions and talents all remain unfulfilled. Other than your circle of family and friends, the world knows nothing about you. You didn't leave anything to remember you by other than memories, lovingly cherished by your family.

What about your legacy? If only you'd written that book, that song, that play. Or maybe even made that film, created your website or started your business. If only you'd formed a rock band, joined that football team, trained to be an athlete, studied for those qualifications or travelled to distant lands.

If only

Occasionally, you chat with someone who still possesses the spark of youth in their eyes. They talk with passion about all the things they've experienced in their life and how they're still cramming in as much as they can. So much to do, so little time! They just can't do all the things they want - even though they've done so much already.

You listen, uncomfortably, as they joyfully and proudly recount adventure after adventure, achievements and disappointments, triumphs and tragedies, challenges and accomplishments. Risks that paid off, risks that caused pain and sadness, risks that delivered big time. Times when fear was faced, when they were scared to death but stood firm and mustered all the courage they could find. When the world laughed at them and they felt abandoned and alone, and times when fear was overcome, when the sweet taste of success lingered on the lips and they looked the world squarely in the eye and smiled in triumph.

Priceless moments. Joyful moments. Everlasting, comforting, rewarding and satisfying. The full, happy life, lived in glorious technicolor and savoured. These are the rewards - the wages paid to those with the grit, courage and belief to face their fears and pursue life in their own special, talented and unique way.

Wages earned by the few. Wages denied to the many by their crushing fear.

You realize that your memories are of an easy life lived in fear and in shades of gray. Devoid of risk. Devoid of setbacks and disappointment, devoid of real success. Devoid of the courage to conquer fear and put yourself on the line. All of the potential you were so sure you possessed in the flower of youth never discovered or trusted. And now, in the bleak winter of your life, the potential is lost forever.

This truth hits you each day. And the cold bites harder.

What really hurts is that you'll never know how high you could have flown because you didn't have the courage to spread your wings.

If only you'd

But it's too late. The sands of time have slipped by, there's only a small pile of grains left. You chose fear as your paymaster, blissfully unaware that the wages would amount to a pittance and would be delivered when it's far too late to ask for a raise.

Fear faced you and it won. For years, it silently lurked waiting for the day when it could pay you for choosing a life dictated by fear. Your time is nearly up and fear delivers your paycheck.

You realize it isn't worth cashing.

If only

Copyright 2006 Christopher Green